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  • Alexandra Gutu

What triumph?

Losing the flame, what a nightmare! I just want to be free, to seek out the immensity of things in thoughts and write! Being able to save in words what is impossible to hold. But life puts this flame out. It's like I drown in the middle of a vast ocean. Thinking about the immensity of the universe, everything being a little, a little being everything. Will we be like a grain of sand in this massive universe? What matters to us? The ways of human beings quantifying things when they only intend to exist on their own – by the way, what do I know about what things want – human beings’ obsessions! 

We look for a meaning in our existence. I ask why? For what purpose? We exist and the rest is not important. We don’t get stuck in closed systems of meaning, we may just live. We follow lies, we live in the illusion. Moral? As Álvaro de Campos said, “Não me falem em moral!” [“Don’t tell me about moral!”] They want us to be stuck in useless and suffocating systems. They want us to be uneventful, foolish, banal, controllable! Like machines! 

We may look less in the mirror – paranoid. What a relentless need to confirm our existence through these unbearable mirrors. It’s not necessary – we’re not special. We believe ourselves to be so great... Madness! 

Man, the creator,  well – I call it the Terminator. Terminator of himself and everything that is beautiful and natural. And more! The Terminator. The grand king of all species was self-proclaimed to be the “civilized” animal. Where is that civilization? We are all only barbarians, this word invented to designate everyone but ourselves, to point a finger to the other. 

And what did I want from these words? I don't know, they just exist, think of them as you like!


Translated by Bruna Bastos

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